me family rants friends quotes of the day |
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a warning to all, here there be SPOILERS. please do not continue if you're not up-to-date with all available HARRY POTTER movies and books.
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LINKS lj / myspace / twitter clowning glory website about nothing sunview zoo cloud 11 edubb 98 |
jump links, if you're crazy enough to know what you're looking for: 2008 12 6 4 2007 11 9 8 4 2006 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 2005 12 11 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 2004 12 11 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 2003 11
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The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people's grammar. It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I'd normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world. |
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Twas the night before Christmas (12:01 A.M. 12/25) and all through the (single family, joisted masonry, E.C. 3, territory 44, PC 5) house, The (flame retardant) stockings were hung by the (contractor installed) chimney with care, Insurance humor, email circulated, source unknown "DID YOU SAY CAKES? Did you say Forty of them?" |
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"When no one was looking, Lex Luthor took forty cakes. he took 40 cakes. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible." srsly, where did i find this?? On J2 chemistry: John Shiban: And the second thing, honestly, is casting and chemistry. And chemistry is Paley fest, quoted here #20. Alton Brown's cakes don't rise. They ascend. |
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Insurance agents as hunters Coworker A: Hah, oh but what if there are vampires who don't like the werewolves and are trying to frame them so that people will hunt down the werewolves and get rid of their problem? So it's actually vampire attacks made to look like werewolf ones. Me: *scoffs* I'd like to think I could tell the difference, A. Honestly, I may not have the *practice* but I'm knowledgeable on the lore enough to know. Coworker A: C'mon, werewolf/vampire hatred is legendary. They totally would do that. I'm much more inclined to believe a werewolf is misunderstood than a vampire. And vampires are definitely conniving enough to think of it and pull it off. Then they can use the cover of "animal attacks" to feed as much as they want in the area, and the humans will still blame the werewolves. Me: *rolls eyes* All I'm hearing is 'blah blah werewolves are people, too.' Coworker A: Hah :P Granted they both could be terribly misunderstood, however vampires, by nature have to take life (or at least some blood) to survive. It's only in crazy moldy rye-bread induced European legends that says werewolves eat human flesh. All the ones (like Asian or Native American) that seem more accurate, don't eat people, so honestly. Trust something that is more than likely going to want to drink your blood or worse all the time? Or a man/wolf who'd rather just be left alone to run around in the woods with the slight chance that once a month they might want to eat you a bit? Me: While it may not be in their nature to *want* to eat poeple, I think the lack of control that such a change would most likely induce would be enough to put any person in the wrong place at the wrong time in a good deal of danger, whereas a vampire isn't guaranteed to kill to be able to sustain itself. Coworker A: Yeah, but a hungry vampire on a bad night is just as dangerous as a werewolf (going by the European idea which I don't think would be accurate) on a really bad night. Me: I think we're just going to go in circles on this. There's too many varying legends and too many possible variations of each creature to make a definitive ruling one way or another. Coworker A: Hah awesome okay. Agree to dissagree until Me: Very very true. If we could find some way to parlay this knowledge into a respectable living, that'd be ideal. |
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"HAVE YOU READ MY BLOG YET?" They're blasting next door to our office: |
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But it is in this episode that we find my favorite Simpsons line ever. It's neat to know Groening's (From the monorail ep, where Homer has the family of possums in the closet- "I call the big one Bitey.") But my favorite line ever? "I've created Lutherans." You are like a rockstar...only in Dutch. "I'M IN UR PROOST. REMEMBRIN' THINGS PAST." |
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We go in, I buy tickets (my turn!), Kim cracks a joke at my expense... "2 '23', please?" Yeah. So we head the 6 feet to the concessions stand, and the guy behind the ticket counter ducks out, passes us, saying "The concessions person will be right with you." Now, I didn't want to get my hopes up, waiting for a joke that wouldn't come, but, yes. He did. Dude slips behind the concessions stand, washes his hands and pops up across the counter from us. "What can I get you?" Freakin' classic, man. I'm so easily amused, but it was delivered well. |
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"Fucking Scabbers!" - darksidebitca, summing up both the theme and every Harry Potter-related comment quite nicely, we find. "Your boy Malfoy is 19 today." Crowley: |
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Apparantly, two films are currently being made in the same area/town... Neil Gaiman's Stardust... and the current Bond film. *blinks* Best of all- this Sunday is a football match between them. And the idea of a Stardust vs Bond football match keeps running through my head, "...and it's Ernst Stavros Blofeld and he passes to Felix Leiter and... oh, he just got turned into a goat. And there's a cluster of excited ghosts over by the goal-mouth, one of them just ran through Le Chifre, and the ball, the ball's gone up..." From Neil
Gaiman's blog For any republicans who might be reading this, imagine how you would feel if there was an amendment that banned all uses of the phrase "git-r-done." Sure, you might be able to get through life without it, but things wouldn't be the same, would they? A piece of your soul would be missing. You'd feel like a second-class citizen. I can empathize. "Git-r-done" isn't simply a "lifestyle choice." It's something deep in your psyche, something you were born with. Without "git-r-done," you'd be half a person. That's exactly how gay people feel, except they like butt sex instead of idiot, redneck comedians. So here's the deal: stop getting so worked up about the sodomy, or Larry The Cable Guy gets shot in the face. Thank you and goodnight. From cheesegimp's livejournal, via metaquotes T-Rex is impressing everyone with random facts about other people (dinosaurs!) they know: God: ZERO OF THESE FACTS ARE TRUE
T-REX from the telling secrets about all your friends and deities comics! by Ryan North of qwantz.com Some Underground Lair [Evey wakes up in a strange bed with no idea how she got there, and “Cry Me a River” is playing sadly, surreally on a jukebox in another room, and it's all one midget away from a David Lynch production.] V: Welcome to my lair! Let me show
you around! from V for Vendetta in 15 Minutes by the ever-phenomenal Cleolinda 7. I may not sell Umbridge's quill to emo students. 11. I will not sing "Defying Gravity" during Quidditch practice. 25. I am not allowed to bother
Snape. 32. I will not lick Trevor. 44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters. 45. I do not get any flying monkeys when I graduate. from 50 Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at Hogwarts, by atalantapendrag Thus far we've seen Dickface, Albert Einstein, Bud and Lou, Roadrunner, Rudy, Agatha Christie (the only one named for her real name, 'cause I thought Agatha was cute), Fleabiscuit... they keep subbing in dogs we hadn't seen before, so we're having a rough time of it. from my livejournal, a discussion of Animal Planet's Puppybowl yeah... he needs like a caution sign or something, seriously. from a reaction to a certain photo and the ensuing conversation |
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from the marvelous set of calvin & hobbes snowman strips VOLDEMORT: Now I call my Death Eaters to me. Lucius, I know that's you, I can see your flowing platinum locks from under your mask. LUCIUS: Er, if I had just caught one whiff of your cologne, my lord... VOLDEMORT: Liar. I called your house and you said 'I'm sorry, this is Mallory's Pizza Parlour' and hung up. Bitchass. DUMBLEDORE: He's been keeping the real Moody locked up in a box and - Good Lord, that's a little bit kinky. CROUCH JNR: Eeeeverything I do is a little bit kinky. Has anyone noticed I'm dark, intense, leather-clad and now restrained to a chair? SNAPE: ... I did, actually. HARRY: These films have gone totally hardcore. from a Goblet of Fire parody by mistful 3. What Gilbert and Sullivan operetta tells the story of the unfortunate Frederic and his courtship of Mabel, the Major-General's daughter? "Is that the one Sideshow Bob sings in the Simpsons? It's got to be, 'cause it's the only showtune in my head with that 'Major General' thing in there." - darksidebitca (Is there no end to the things that can be learned from The Simpsons? -AL) (Apparently, there is. Because Sideshow Bob is actually singing 'HMS Pinafore' in that episode. darksidebitca is in good company though: also receiving -1 for not knowing Pirates from Pinafore are spritelydelight, akiyasan, technoinfidel, and _rikiki. -C). from ljdq, but they totally quoted me! ETA more: My plan for after the exam (wasn't carried out. I chickened.) *returns to Movie Gallery, documentation of imminent license in hand* I'm gonna burn this place down and pee-pee on the ashes! *terrorizes* *Godzillas the pvms* *harasses new staff* *pokes mean customers* from my livejournal, after passing my insurance licensing exam Thu, Aug 4, 2005 Eric HOLY DEAD DUMBLEDORE, BATMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! from an email from Wisconsin And finally: McGonagall started at the noise. "Who are you? Show yourself!" she demanded. A figure dressed entirely in white came out of the shadows of the Headmistress' office. "It cannot be! You fell! "Through fire and water. From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak, I fought him, the Defence Against the Dark Arts Profes..." "Didn't you just get zapped and fall off the Astronomy Tower?" "Don't interrupt, Minerva. Now, where was I? Oh, right. Darkness took me. And I strayed out of thought and time. Stars wheeled overhead and each day was as long as a life age of the earth. But it was not the end. I felt life in me again. I've been sent back until my task is done." "Oh." Minerva looked crestfallen. "You'll want the office back, then."! From the "fandom go boom" that was fandom_wank, by kenboy Also? 7/21/05 brought us part 2 of the JKR interview... Yes. That one... the... deluded one. |
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BOM BOM BOM From iharthdarth's On The Imperial March Dumbledore: word, harry! yo mama!
heh! From wizzart's i been avada kedarva'd 9 times, y0 Not a quote, per se, but a recollection
of a purer, simpler time... 10:15. Best Director: "UP ON STAGE,
BITCHES!" Cates is panicking because he now has ten minutes to
bring the show in on time, or ABC will execute his wife and children
at an undisclosed location. Out in the audience, Mike Leigh is
like, "Fuck all y'all, I'm staying right here!" Taylor Hackford
and Alexander Payne, who also know the score, have joined Okonedo
and Sandino Moreno in the parking lot, so it's just Martin Scorsese
and Clint Eastwood up on stage. Tim Robbins announces that Eastwood
wins Best Director, and Scorsese bursts into tears. Eastwood's
all bitter, like, "Well, I don't want it now!" Somewhere in New
Zealand, Peter Jackson's watching the Oscars on his lunch break
all like, "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" [She goes over to the Phantom and touches his face and he seems to dig it.] CHRISTINE: So, I’m gonna take your mask off. THE PHANTOM: Okay. CHRISTINE: Peeling it off as we speak. THE PHANTOM: Ten-four. CHRISTINE: It’s totally coming off. THE PHANTOM: Sure, have a party. THE MASK: *comes off* THE PHANTOM: OMG YOU TRAMPSLUT WHOREBITCH HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! CHRISTINE: But I—you said— CARLOTTA [shoving Christine]: Outta mah way, toad! THE PHANTOM [backstage]: GRUMBLE GRUMBLE TOAD RASSAFRASSIN’ GRUMBLE… CARLOTTA: I am so gladda to have my throata spritz! [The Phantom has switched Carlotta’s throat spray with something ass-nasty. Let’s see if she notices.] Both from The Phantom of the Opera in Fifteen Minutes Kim just made dinner for herself.
Of course, she just "made" her famous "phone call to the pizza
place", but she counts it as making dinner, so I'm recording it
for posterity. |
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Don't cry for me The Cheat-intina Obvious exits are: North, South
and Dennis Outside, Kate's clearing out the
collapsed-once-already tunnel, even as Mercutio tries to get her
to take a break (this after we've seen a couple of shots to indicate
how exhausted everyone else is, just so we're clear about how
intent Kate is here). Kate just glares at him and keeps going.
Shut up, Mercutio! She's a good digger! I'm the new J Lo. you there? BRIAN: You know, you have, like, a one in a billion chance of dying in a plane crash. PILOT: Thank you for flying Lucky Odds Airlines! Today’s kinda special for us, as this is our one billionth flight, and we’ve never had a crash yet! SAM: AHHHHHH! BRIAN: Look, if worst comes to worst, at least you’re in the plane and the engine isn’t going to fall on you. SAM: You’re not helping, man. |
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OSGILIATH FRODO puts on some black eyeliner, climbs to the top of a ruined building, and holds up the Ring. SAM pounces him and brings him tumbling down the stairs. FRODO: Ow! Hey! That's it—this time I'm cutting your throat. SAM: But Mr. Frodo...I was saving the world...you were going to give the Ring to that Nazgul... FRODO: No, I wasn't. I was doing a lightning experiment. SAM: Well, that's pretty stupid too, now isn't it. FRODO: Hmm. I suppose so. Sorry, dude. FRODO puts down the sword. SAM gets up and starts a speech. SAM: There are good things in the
world. And that's what we're protecting. And up there, it's their
time, but down here, it's OUR time... Dom: Billy's a unique guy. I'm just blessed to have met him. Billy: Dom's an idiot. From a random interview on the LOTR:FOTR EE dvd, more funnies here Paris is practicing archery on a nice straw man nailed up to the wall. He hits bull's-eye after bull's-eye. HELEN: Wow, I had no idea you were so good at this. PARIS: Neither did I. Weird, isn’t it? And I really want lembas now. HELEN: What? "Hey, Numfar!" Draco hollered.
"Do the dance of my mother is a deceitful bitch who likes to torture
people!" EXT. LUSH, BEAUTIFUL LANDSCAPE DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON AUDIENCE DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON Minutes pass. AUDIENCE DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON Day 58 Have to go to stupid Death
Eater's reunion tomorrow. Not looking forward to it. Hate everybody
I used to know there anyhow. Have to bring a dish to pass...probably
will make a cheesecake. Day 87 Harry and Ron got into Slytherin
commons using Potion, but I was turned into a cat-girl by mistake
and stayed behind. During the space of one hour, was visited by
no less than four hundred drooling fanboys who kept asking me
to wear a giant bell around my neck and say "Nyao?" while curling
one paw by the side of my head. Refused and turned them all into
cockroaches, which I think was an improvement. Ron and Harry reported
back soon to say that the Slytherin common room was "really grody"
and the password to get in was "Ash nazg durbatuluk, ash nagz
gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatuluk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul." Day Three Million Seven: I spy
with my big-huge-nasty-flaming eye...something resembling a novelty
dashboard ornament. Witch King of Angmar tells me it's a hobbit.
Is rather cute. On the smallish side, but I'm hardly one to talk
appearances these days. Harry: "It was a nightmare. Okay,
maybe not at first. Initially, I really liked the way he took
charge." They run across a toppling bridge.
A BALROG rears up behind them. "You're like... you're like Gandalf
the White, resurrected from the pit of the Balrog, more beautiful
than ever. Ohh... he's alive, Frodo. He's alive." Cliegg: It's nice to see you back,
Ani, but your mom was carried off by sexually abusive bandaged
nomads a month ago. Care for a muffin? "Honey," called Lily Potter from
inside the house, "what’s going on?" |
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While backing out of my roomie's mom's driveway (she lives around the corner from us), I happened to pull onto the left hand side of the road. "Hey! It's like we're in England!" My roommate: (taunting the mini-Cujo downstairs through the window) "Ha ha! I'm here and you're there" |
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