i'm just a font of original thought...
a warning to all, here there be SPOILERS.
please do not continue if you're not up-to-date with all available
HARRY POTTER movies and books.
lj / myspace / twitter
jump links, if you're crazy enough
to know what you're looking for:
2010 4 2009 12 8 5 3 2
2008 12 6 4 2007 11 9 8 4 2006 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
2005 12 11 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 2004 12 11 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1 2003 11
The Alot is an imaginary creature that I made up to help me deal with my compulsive need to correct other people's grammar. It kind of looks like a cross between a bear, a yak and a pug, and it has provided hours of entertainment for me in a situation where I'd normally be left feeling angry and disillusioned with the world.
The Alot from hyperboleandahalf
Twas the night before Christmas (12:01 A.M. 12/25) and all through the (single family, joisted masonry, E.C. 3, territory 44, PC 5) house,
Not a creature was stirring not even a mouse (through pride of ownership and excellent maintenance).
The (flame retardant) stockings were hung by the (contractor installed) chimney with care,
In hopes that St.Nicholas would soon be there (in spite of dead-bolt locks and central station alarm system).
Insurance humor, email circulated, source unknown
"DID YOU SAY CAKES? Did you say Forty of them?"
"When no one was looking, Lex Luthor took forty cakes. he took 40 cakes. That's as many as four tens. And that's terrible."
srsly, where did i find this??
On J2 chemistry:
John Shiban: And the second thing, honestly, is casting and chemistry. And chemistry is
something you cannot manufacture. These guys have it and they are so great to write for .
[Jared looks at Jensen and leans in to kiss him, but Jensen points to the audience which breaks into cheer and goes wild]
Jared Padalecki: Worth a try, worth a try.
Paley fest, quoted here
#20. Alton Brown's cakes don't rise. They ascend.
#27. Alton Brown once prepared shrimp gumbo for a cooking competition, using only salt, water, canned Spam, and a packet of Arby's 'Horsey Sauce'. He took second place. He would have won, but one of the judges was allergic to shellfish.
Alton Brown is this awesome
Insurance agents as hunters
Coworker A: Hah, oh but what if there are vampires who don't like the werewolves and are trying to frame them so that people will hunt down the werewolves and get rid of their problem? So it's actually vampire attacks made to look like werewolf ones.
Me: *scoffs* I'd like to think I could tell the difference, A. Honestly, I may not have the *practice* but I'm knowledgeable on the lore enough to know.
Coworker A: C'mon, werewolf/vampire hatred is legendary. They totally would do that. I'm much more inclined to believe a werewolf is misunderstood than a vampire. And vampires are definitely conniving enough to think of it and pull it off. Then they can use the cover of "animal attacks" to feed as much as they want in the area, and the humans will still blame the werewolves.
Me: *rolls eyes* All I'm hearing is 'blah blah werewolves are people, too.'
Whatever, dude. Vampires are just as maligned by popular culture and stories made up to scare little kids into not going out at night and not giving it up to broody Eastern European strangers. Urban legends, is all.
Coworker A: Hah :P Granted they both could be terribly misunderstood, however vampires, by nature have to take life (or at least some blood) to survive. It's only in crazy moldy rye-bread induced European legends that says werewolves eat human flesh. All the ones (like Asian or Native American) that seem more accurate, don't eat people, so honestly. Trust something that is more than likely going to want to drink your blood or worse all the time? Or a man/wolf who'd rather just be left alone to run around in the woods with the slight chance that once a month they might want to eat you a bit?
Me: While it may not be in their nature to *want* to eat poeple, I think the lack of control that such a change would most likely induce would be enough to put any person in the wrong place at the wrong time in a good deal of danger, whereas a vampire isn't guaranteed to kill to be able to sustain itself.
I try to give blood every 2 months, and have given 3 gallons so far. I haven't died yet.
Coworker A: Yeah, but a hungry vampire on a bad night is just as dangerous as a werewolf (going by the European idea which I don't think would be accurate) on a really bad night.
Me: I think we're just going to go in circles on this. There's too many varying legends and too many possible variations of each creature to make a definitive ruling one way or another.
I say if something pops up in the news that someone's been mauled or killed that it'd warrant investigation, and I can't imagine I'd jump to any conclusions without hearing some kid of witness testimony or talking my way into a morgue to see what actually happened by assuming a lame classic rock pseudonym as a cover.
So we'll agree to disagree, and I'll be sure to consult my findings with you, if you're unable to come along yourself, that is. Deal?
Coworker A: Hah awesome okay. Agree to dissagree until
we can meet some (or find and observe without interacting cause it could
be dangerous :P)
.. honestly we just need to get degrees in cryptozoology and travel
around with this stuff... cause working here is so boring that it's
making us have this debate :P
Me: Very very true. If we could find some way to parlay this knowledge into a respectable living, that'd be ideal.
A & I
"HAVE YOU READ MY BLOG YET?"
"WHY? I DON'T EVEN FIND YOU INTERESTING IN PERSON?"
They're blasting next door to our office:
"AM I WEIRD FOR HOPING THAT SOMETHING WILL CRACK OPEN & WEIRD STUFF HAPPENS THOUGH? I DONT WANT ANYONE TO GET HURT, I JUST WANT SOME
But it is in this
episode that we find my favorite Simpsons line ever. It's neat to know Groening's (From the monorail ep, where Homer has the family of possums
in the closet- "I call the big one Bitey.") But my favorite line ever?
"I've created Lutherans."
thinking of the Simpsons
like a rockstar...only in Dutch.
"I'M IN UR PROOST. REMEMBRIN' THINGS PAST."
the origins of lolcats
We go in, I buy tickets (my turn!), Kim cracks a joke at my expense...
"2 '23', please?"
"No, dude, it's 6-something."
Yeah. So we head the 6 feet to the concessions stand, and the guy behind the ticket counter ducks out, passes us, saying "The concessions person will be right with you."
Now, I didn't want to get my hopes up, waiting for a joke that wouldn't come, but, yes. He did.
Dude slips behind the concessions stand, washes his hands and pops up across the counter from us. "What can I get you?"
Freakin' classic, man. I'm so easily amused, but it was delivered well.
real life funny
LJ Daily Answers: 2 October 2006
"Fucking Scabbers!" - darksidebitca, summing up both the theme and every Harry Potter-related comment quite nicely, we find.
quoted again at the ljdq
"Your boy Malfoy is 19 today."
I pause, frown, head into her room.
"It's your boy Malfoy's birthday today. He's 19."
Thoughts are running through my head, and I spoke the first of them.
"But. OH! Felton!" (Meaning the actor that *plays* Malfoy, for the non-HP-obsessed)
Kim agrees. And I foolishly explain:
"I was confused, 'cause Malfoy's birthday's in June."
"You know that?"
kim & i
Resolution #1: I must accept that Super-Gluing valuable coins to the sidewalk and then watching events from a nearby café is not proper demonic activity.
Resolution #1: Spread peace and love and glad tidings of great joy throughout the world. Also try to get out more.
Stolen shamelessly from HarperCollins
Apparantly, two films are currently
being made in the same area/town... Neil Gaiman's Stardust...
and the current Bond film. *blinks* Best of all- this Sunday is
a football match between them.
And the idea of a Stardust vs
Bond football match keeps running through my head, "...and it's
Ernst Stavros Blofeld and he passes to Felix Leiter and... oh,
he just got turned into a goat. And there's a cluster of excited
ghosts over by the goal-mouth, one of them just ran through Le
Chifre, and the ball, the ball's gone up..."
For any republicans who might be
reading this, imagine how you would feel if there was an amendment
that banned all uses of the phrase "git-r-done."
Sure, you might be able to get
through life without it, but things wouldn't be the same, would
they? A piece of your soul would be missing. You'd feel like a
second-class citizen. I can empathize. "Git-r-done" isn't simply
a "lifestyle choice." It's something deep in your psyche, something
you were born with. Without "git-r-done," you'd be half a person.
That's exactly how gay people feel,
except they like butt sex instead of idiot, redneck comedians.
So here's the deal: stop getting
so worked up about the sodomy, or Larry The Cable Guy gets shot
in the face.
Thank you and goodnight.
livejournal, via metaquotes
T-Rex is impressing everyone with
random facts about other people (dinosaurs!) they know:
God: ZERO OF THESE FACTS ARE TRUE
T-Rex: I am making life interesting! Also, did you know the Devil
likes grape juice from concentrate?
God: MAN HE PROBABLY DOES
from the telling
secrets about all your friends and deities comics! by Ryan
North of qwantz.com
Some Underground Lair
[Evey wakes up in a strange bed
with no idea how she got there, and “Cry Me a River” is playing
sadly, surreally on a jukebox in another room, and it's all one
midget away from a David Lynch production.]
V: Welcome to my lair! Let me show
V: My library of forbidden books!
EVEY: Ooo! V: My dizzyingly eclectic collection of censored artwork!
EVEY: I like the colors!
V: And here’s my cherished My First Wedding Evey doll! Look, it’s
V: JUST KIDDING! Oh, you’re also going to have to stay here. For,
you know, a whole year, because they think you’re my partner in
terrorism now. My bad.
EVEY: I HATE YOU!
V: Hey, where are you going?
EVEY: TO MY ROOM, TO CRY INTO MY PINK SATIN PILLOW AND WRITE BAD
POETRY IN MY DIARY!
for Vendetta in 15 Minutes by the ever-phenomenal Cleolinda
7. I may not sell Umbridge's quill
to emo students.
11. I will not sing "Defying Gravity"
during Quidditch practice.
25. I am not allowed to bother
-Dumbledore does not have 'naked time'.
32. I will not lick Trevor.
44. I am not to Owl copies of the Evil
Overlord List to suspected Death Eaters.
45. I do not get any flying monkeys
when I graduate.
Things I Am Not Allowed to Do at Hogwarts, by atalantapendrag
Thus far we've seen Dickface, Albert
Einstein, Bud and Lou, Roadrunner, Rudy, Agatha Christie (the
only one named for her real name, 'cause I thought Agatha was
cute), Fleabiscuit... they keep subbing in dogs we hadn't seen
before, so we're having a rough time of it.
from my livejournal, a discussion of Animal Planet's Puppybowl
yeah... he needs like a caution
sign or something, seriously.
from a reaction to a certain photo and the ensuing conversation
from the marvelous set of calvin
& hobbes snowman
VOLDEMORT: Now I call my Death
Eaters to me. Lucius, I know that's you, I can see your flowing
platinum locks from under your mask.
LUCIUS: Er, if I had just caught
one whiff of your cologne, my lord...
VOLDEMORT: Liar. I called your
house and you said 'I'm sorry, this is Mallory's Pizza Parlour'
and hung up. Bitchass.
DUMBLEDORE: He's been keeping the
real Moody locked up in a box and - Good Lord, that's a little
CROUCH JNR: Eeeeverything I do
is a little bit kinky. Has anyone noticed I'm dark, intense, leather-clad
and now restrained to a chair?
SNAPE: ... I did, actually.
HARRY: These films have gone totally
from a Goblet
of Fire parody by mistful
3. What Gilbert and Sullivan
operetta tells the story of the unfortunate Frederic and his courtship
of Mabel, the Major-General's daughter?
"Is that the one Sideshow Bob sings
in the Simpsons? It's got to be, 'cause it's the only showtune
in my head with that 'Major General' thing in there." - darksidebitca
(Is there no end to the things
that can be learned from The Simpsons? -AL)
(Apparently, there is. Because
Sideshow Bob is actually singing 'HMS Pinafore' in that episode.
darksidebitca is in good company though: also receiving -1 for
not knowing Pirates from Pinafore are spritelydelight, akiyasan,
technoinfidel, and _rikiki. -C).
but they totally quoted me!
ETA more: My plan for after the
exam (wasn't carried out. I chickened.)
*returns to Movie Gallery, documentation
of imminent license in hand*
I'm gonna burn this place down
and pee-pee on the ashes!
*Godzillas the pvms*
*harasses new staff*
*pokes mean customers*
livejournal, after passing my insurance licensing exam
Thu, Aug 4, 2005 Eric HOLY DEAD
from an email from Wisconsin
McGonagall started at the noise.
"Who are you? Show yourself!" she demanded.
A figure dressed entirely in white
came out of the shadows of the Headmistress' office.
"It cannot be! You fell! "Through
fire and water. From the lowest dungeon to the highest peak, I
fought him, the Defence Against the Dark Arts Profes..."
"Didn't you just get zapped and
fall off the Astronomy Tower?"
"Don't interrupt, Minerva. Now,
where was I? Oh, right. Darkness took me. And I strayed out of
thought and time. Stars wheeled overhead and each day was as long
as a life age of the earth. But it was not the end. I felt life
in me again. I've been sent back until my task is done."
"Oh." Minerva looked crestfallen.
"You'll want the office back, then."!
From the "fandom go boom" that
Also? 7/21/05 brought us part 2
of the JKR interview... Yes. That one... the... deluded one.
BOM BOM BOM
BOM BAH DUM
Darth Vader: i get my own theme music? being on the dark side
From iharthdarth's On
The Imperial March
Dumbledore: word, harry! yo mama!
Harry: ...my mum died
From wizzart's i
been avada kedarva'd 9 times, y0
Not a quote, per se, but a recollection
of a purer, simpler time...
April 16th: MY
HED IZ PASTEDE ON DAY!
10:15. Best Director: "UP ON STAGE,
BITCHES!" Cates is panicking because he now has ten minutes to
bring the show in on time, or ABC will execute his wife and children
at an undisclosed location. Out in the audience, Mike Leigh is
like, "Fuck all y'all, I'm staying right here!" Taylor Hackford
and Alexander Payne, who also know the score, have joined Okonedo
and Sandino Moreno in the parking lot, so it's just Martin Scorsese
and Clint Eastwood up on stage. Tim Robbins announces that Eastwood
wins Best Director, and Scorsese bursts into tears. Eastwood's
all bitter, like, "Well, I don't want it now!" Somewhere in New
Zealand, Peter Jackson's watching the Oscars on his lunch break
all like, "AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
From Cleolinda's Oscar
[She goes over to the Phantom and
touches his face and he seems to dig it.]
CHRISTINE: So, I’m gonna take your
THE PHANTOM: Okay.
CHRISTINE: Peeling it off as we
THE PHANTOM: Ten-four.
CHRISTINE: It’s totally coming
THE PHANTOM: Sure, have a party.
THE MASK: *comes off*
THE PHANTOM: OMG YOU TRAMPSLUT
WHOREBITCH HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
CHRISTINE: But I—you said—
CARLOTTA [shoving Christine]:
Outta mah way, toad!
THE PHANTOM [backstage]: GRUMBLE
GRUMBLE TOAD RASSAFRASSIN’ GRUMBLE…
CARLOTTA: I am so gladda to have
my throata spritz!
[The Phantom has switched Carlotta’s
throat spray with something ass-nasty. Let’s see if she notices.]
Both from The
Phantom of the Opera in Fifteen Minutes
Kim just made dinner for herself.
Of course, she just "made" her famous "phone call to the pizza
place", but she counts it as making dinner, so I'm recording it
How sad that I'm quoting myself?
Don't cry for me The Cheat-intina
Obvious exits are: North, South
From Strongbad's text game on H*R
Outside, Kate's clearing out the
collapsed-once-already tunnel, even as Mercutio tries to get her
to take a break (this after we've seen a couple of shots to indicate
how exhausted everyone else is, just so we're clear about how
intent Kate is here). Kate just glares at him and keeps going.
Shut up, Mercutio! She's a good digger!
("Actually, I don't think I've ever heard Bart listen to one
of your albums." "Shut up, Marge! He's a good digger!")
From Lost: The Moth on Television
I'm the new J Lo.
Random quote from kimberlysghost
...did i just say that...
*does cartwheels around his house until his head falls off*
*then he pastes it back on, just so he can yell...*
...OMG MY HED IZ PASTEDE ON YEY!...
From a series of IMs from movie_freak2010
BRIAN: You know, you have, like,
a one in a billion chance of dying in a plane crash.
PILOT: Thank you for flying Lucky
Odds Airlines! Today’s kinda special for us, as this is our one
billionth flight, and we’ve never had a crash yet!
BRIAN: Look, if worst comes to
worst, at least you’re in the plane and the engine isn’t going
to fall on you.
SAM: You’re not helping, man.
Day After Tomorrow in Fifteen Minutes
FRODO puts on some black eyeliner,
climbs to the top of a ruined building, and holds up the Ring.
SAM pounces him and brings him
tumbling down the stairs.
FRODO: Ow! Hey! That's it—this
time I'm cutting your throat.
SAM: But Mr. Frodo...I was saving
the world...you were going to give the Ring to that Nazgul...
FRODO: No, I wasn't. I was doing
a lightning experiment.
SAM: Well, that's pretty stupid
too, now isn't it.
FRODO: Hmm. I suppose so. Sorry,
FRODO puts down the sword. SAM
gets up and starts a speech.
SAM: There are good things in the
world. And that's what we're protecting. And up there, it's their
time, but down here, it's OUR time...
The Condensed Parody Version
Dom: Billy's a unique guy. I'm
just blessed to have met him.
Billy: Dom's an idiot.
From a random interview on the
LOTR:FOTR EE dvd, more
Paris is practicing archery on
a nice straw man nailed up to the wall. He hits bull's-eye after
HELEN: Wow, I had no idea you were
so good at this.
PARIS: Neither did I. Weird, isn’t
it? And I really want lembas now.
in Fifteen Minutes
"Hey, Numfar!" Draco hollered.
"Do the dance of my mother is a deceitful bitch who likes to torture
Ironically, Numfar started dancing.
"Is there a dance for everything?" Ron whispered.
Charming, part of the Drop in the Ocean 'verse
EXT. LUSH, BEAUTIFUL LANDSCAPE
ELIJAH and the OTHER HOBBITS walk around NEW ZEALAND.
DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON
Isn't this great? Them walking around in this world... this completely
different world...of New Zealand...
Yeah, it's really pretty.
DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON
Uh..you, uh, gonna do something any time soon?
DIRECTOR PETER JACKSON
Huh? Oh, right, action. How about some monsters?
Editing Room's Lord of the Rings Abridged Script
Day 58 Have to go to stupid Death
Eater's reunion tomorrow. Not looking forward to it. Hate everybody
I used to know there anyhow. Have to bring a dish to pass...probably
will make a cheesecake.
Day 59 Reunion was a disaster. Hardly anyone showed (mostly because
they were in jail) and Avery got drunk and ruined the nice centerpiece
on the buffet table. Worse luck, I forgot to bring the cheesecake.
Still, was glad to see that most everyone else was going slightly
bald, whereas I was the best- looking wizard there.
From the Secret
Diaries of Hogwarts, Snape's entry
Day 87 Harry and Ron got into Slytherin
commons using Potion, but I was turned into a cat-girl by mistake
and stayed behind. During the space of one hour, was visited by
no less than four hundred drooling fanboys who kept asking me
to wear a giant bell around my neck and say "Nyao?" while curling
one paw by the side of my head. Refused and turned them all into
cockroaches, which I think was an improvement. Ron and Harry reported
back soon to say that the Slytherin common room was "really grody"
and the password to get in was "Ash nazg durbatuluk, ash nagz
gimbatul, ash nazg thrakatuluk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul."
From the Secret
Diaries of Hogwarts: Book Two, Hermione's entry
Day Three Million Seven: I spy
with my big-huge-nasty-flaming eye...something resembling a novelty
dashboard ornament. Witch King of Angmar tells me it's a hobbit.
Is rather cute. On the smallish side, but I'm hardly one to talk
appearances these days.
Day Three Million Nine: ARGH! That tiny bloke has MY RING! later..
Have sent the nine to fetch ring back. If nine succeeds in sorting
their elbows from asshats, that is.
From the Very Secret
Diaries, Sauron's entry
Harry: "It was a nightmare. Okay,
maybe not at first. Initially, I really liked the way he took
Cordy: "Doyle?! Took charge."
Harry: "It was sweet. But after a while, I mean, I know how to
cut my own meat, thanks. Sometimes it felt like I was one of his
Cordy: "That's funny, for a moment I thought you said one of Doyle's
Harry: "It wasn't fun being treated like a third grader, believe
Cordy: "Grade third taught Doy.. (Waves her hand and tries again)
Doyle taught third grade? The kind with children?"
Cordy: "Are you sure he wasn't just held back and used that as
his cover story?"
Harry: "Francis got his teaching credentials before we even met
at the food bank.."
Cordy: "Okay, soup kitchen. Now that sounds like the Doyle I've
come to know and revile. - And you're just about to tell me he
ran it, aren't you?"
Harry: "He was just a volunteer. - That's where he got the idea
for the 'You Are The World' thing. (Cordy looks at her in shock)
I'm kidding about that part."
Aunt Martha: "Come on girls, it's pornographic pictionary time!"
Harry to Cordy: "Their ways are *not* - our ways."
From Angel, season 1 episode
They run across a toppling bridge.
A BALROG rears up behind them.
GANDALF: It's okay; I've got this one. Balrog, Flame of Udun,
good evening. As a duly designated representative of the country
of Middle-earth, I order you to cease any and all evil supernatural
activities and return forthwith to your place of origin or to
the nearest convenient parallel dimension!
ARAGORN: Yeah, that ought to do it. Thanks, Gandalf.
condensed film script
"You're like... you're like Gandalf
the White, resurrected from the pit of the Balrog, more beautiful
than ever. Ohh... he's alive, Frodo. He's alive."
Andrew, from Angel, season
5 episode 11
Cliegg: It's nice to see you back,
Ani, but your mom was carried off by sexually abusive bandaged
nomads a month ago. Care for a muffin?
Amidala: You're not looking so good, Ani...want me to get you
Anakin: Bring me Darth Maul's speeder, my lightsaber and some
angry-sounding John Williams.
"Honey," called Lily Potter from
inside the house, "what’s going on?"
"I don’t know," called back James, "There was a flaming Chia Pet
on our doorstep."
"Flaming Chia Pet. Don’t worry, I stomped it out. And I think
I hear some girl in our bushes." "Or..." started Lenore from the
bushes, "Wait, he already said girl, didn’t he?"
"That was not a girl!" shouted Lord Voldemort. "It was I! LORD
VOLDEMORT. Know me and know fear"
"GET OFF MY LAWN!" shouted James Potter.
Upon a Freakin' Time
While backing out of my roomie's
mom's driveway (she lives around the corner from us), I happened
to pull onto the left hand side of the road.
"Hey! It's like we're in England!"
"I hope you get pulled over, and that's the excuse you give the
cops. 'Heehee, we're in England, heehee!'"
"I said it's *like* we're in England. I know we're not in England."
"Don't correct me."
My roommate: (taunting the mini-Cujo
downstairs through the window)
"Ha ha! I'm here and you're there"